


If It is You - Lee Taeyong

by malfoyang



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 11:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30122010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malfoyang/pseuds/malfoyang
Summary: An honest journal entry by Lee Taeyong for his psychiatrist about the girl who never reciprocates his feelings or even takes it into consideration in the first place.Inspired by the song "If It is You" by Jung Seung-Hwan
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	If It is You - Lee Taeyong

Don’t you dare look at me with those eyes of pity. Your eyes don’t pour tears when you think of me, yet my eyes always do when your name crosses my mind. To live another day is to know you won’t love me tomorrow anyway. Still, I always wish tomorrow would be a magical day where destiny finally understands my pain and let me have you.

Why is it so hard for you to properly see me trying?

As a best friend of yours, I thought I had a chance to mean something in your life. Until someone filled your heart with ecstasy. My hearts shattered to pieces, I kept trying and trying until I blurted out the three words that deepened the drill in the hole: I like you.

See, you let the distance between us drift us away because of those words. You were never prepared for something that I actually felt. Love. Our awkward silences showed that you did not want me. I know you already answered me, I know the meaning of an answerless answer. I know you. When I finally accepted that I was the only one who was trying to maintain our friendship, I started to distance myself too. I started to endure the pain myself, knowing I’m the only one who faces it. I get shocked to see how much I get hurt because of you.

I go to school everyday, knowing I don’t sit next to you anymore. Knowing you look happier and have a bigger smile with him. Knowing you remember his favorite soft drink, while you never know mine. My days are a struggle, even my dreams are painful. Oh, I can recall the nights I woke up with sweats.

If it was you, how would it be? If these crazy days became yours? If you get to see me not to even bother to look at you? If you get to see me not remembering you were once my “best friend”? I wonder every night before I sleep: If you break down as much as me, will you know all the pain that fills me to the point my heart is about to explode? Oh, how much I want you still.

Do you know how I’m doing these days? I bet you don’t. Of course, you don’t. I can’t even fall asleep, I can’t even bear to swallow.

Do you know that I'm becoming more ruined as I look at you? I bet you don’t. Of course you don’t. I feel like dying. God, I feel like dying. Even though I know there's no way you'll come to me. Even though I know you’re looking somewhere else.

If I was you, I would just love me.

_Psychiatric notes of Dr. Wong. Patient name: Lee Taeyong. Journaling notes for depressive state: complete._


End file.
